I've been slacking...

Mostly because I haven't felt up to writing lately. Sigh.

It all started last Wednesday when I picked Liam up from OT (occupational therapy). Amy, his OT, invited me into a private room to talk. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach...usually the therapists come out into the waiting room and say "He did great" to the unsuspecting parent or two...so being pulled in privately seemed to be very suspcious. My intuition was right on.

Amy is concerned that Liam is showing some autistic like behaviors. First, he wouldn't answer her questions. He wouldn't choose between juices. Second, he just seemed to be in another world to her when they went outside...like he was blocking her out. I didn't really know what to say. I mean, on one hand she wasn't telling me anything that I didn't already know...but the tears stung my eyes. I kept blinking to make them go away while I was talking to her. I wanted to tell her that Liam won't answer questions if he doesn't care about the outcome. Do you want apple or grape juice? Silence from Liam means "I don't care." Now if you asked him, "Do you want to swing?" you would get "Okay!" which is Liam's affirmative. I worry about making these statements though because I don't want to seem as though I'm in denial. I'm so not in denial...and sometimes I wish I was, really. Things would be easier if I could convince myself that nothing was wrong with my child...but the evidence is so strong and pervasive that I can't cover it up. It screams out at me and demands my attention. I can't get away from it.

Liam does some strange things when he goes outside...he likes to just wander around sometimes. His movements are very...strange...for lack of a better term. It's like some sort of awkwardly graceful dance that he does. I can't even explain it and Amy couldn't either...but she didn't have to because I get it. I can't articulate it either, the movements that he makes. I don't know why he does it. I only know that he's always moved strangely...

So Amy's concerns fill my head and the worry cycle begins once more. The kind of worry that leaves you with a sick feeling and your soul filled with dread. It's only made worse by the echolalia. Liam constantly repeats lines from Blue's Clues. "Look! A clue!" A month or so ago it was Dragon Tales, "Great idea!" Now he is still making such huge strides in his expressive/receptive language...but this echolalia is like a huge, painful reminder to me of how far we still have to travel.

This afternoon he dropped his notebook between the seat and the car door and plainly said, "I can't reach it, Mama!" Tonight he was getting ready to take a shower and extended his hand & said, "Want to take a shower with me, Mama?" He built a bridge out of crayons and jumped over it! He's coloring and enjoying sitting down & working on a picture. Honestly, part of the reason that I don't blog mych lately is because he is saying so many new things that I just can't keep track of them all. It hurts though when his seemingly wonderful progress is undercut by all of this echolalia. I really hate it.

I read that echolalia can be a part of normal language development...and research shows that it peaks at 30 months. This article provided me with some hope for a short time that maybe, just maybe, he's a quirky kid & that's all. Maybe he will grow out of the echolalia and move on to the analytical side of language development. I mean he just really started talking recently...so maybe it will be a passing phase. I hope so because each day that it presents itself is more painful than I can describe, wondering if it's an indicator of his future or a passing phase...

Blue's Clues...

Liam has a new fixation in life. Blue's Clues.

We don't have cable, so if Liam wants to watch a kid's show he's limited to videos. One day he pulled out an old Blue's Clues video...and he's been hooked ever since. That's all he talks about. He is obsessed with finding paw prints everywhere...and truly, they're in more places than I would have realized. He sings the theme songs, complete with Blue's little babbling sounds. It's really hilarious. Last night we were at the grocery store and lo and behold, they have Blue's Clues yogurt (by Yoplait) so Liam of course had to have it. He had "Blue's Clues yogurt" for breakfast this morning.

Liam is also getting territorial with the baby. Beckett used to be a 100% mama's baby...but not anymore. He *loves* Brad. He wants Brad to hold him, puts his chubby little arms out and gazes admiringly at him. It's so sweet. This weekend we were hanging out on our bed and Beck was crawling on Brad...Liam pushed him away and said, "My Papa!" He is going through a mean phase so to speak--he takes toys away from him and sometimes pushes him over when he's sitting up or standing. BUT, he is getting what it means to go to time out. He doesn't like it.

Beckett is awake...more later, dear readers.

I made a picture!

Today Liam made two very significant statements.

This week he has been at Friends for his second session of summer camp. BTW, the school had a meeting last night to discuss expansion. The meeting invite was "Help us grow, K-1 planning meeting." Now the school already has kindergarten and first grade and it used to go through eighth grade. Anyhow I asked Kris, the director of the school, if I could come. The purpose of the meeting was to talk to families to see if a commitment might be there for expanding the school. I of course am all for it. I would love to see Liam stay at Friends for as long as possible...even if I have to sell my plasma to make it happen. :P The more I deal with JCPS over his services the more I realize that it probably won't be the place for him. Anyhow, moving on.

So he's been at Friends this week and the theme was Animals. Today he made a mask (a rabbit!) and wore it for Beckett (who tried to eat it). Tomorrow they are going on a field trip to a pet store. He came home from occupational therapy today and started drawing.

Liam: Look, mama, I made a picture.
Me: Oh, it's beautiful!
Liam: It's a rabbit.
Me: That is a beautiful rabbit. You're a great artist.

Not only did he come and share his work with me, but he NAMED his work. I'm sure this has rubbed off on him from school...he brings home a drawing every day. I just wanted to cry because he shared his work with me, he was so proud of himself...and in his little brain he was creating a rabbit, not just scribbling.

Later on he asked for a sucker.

Me, holding up two suckers: Pick one out.
Liam: This one. (grabs sucker)
Me: Please put your wrapper in the trash.
Liam, as he takes off the wrapper: Blue sucker, mama!

That is also a big deal for Liam...his speech has mainly progressed in this way--

single word utterances (labels mostly)
words to get something (more)
two word phrases to get something (more apple, help please)
spontaneous comments (Look at the sky mama! he said this to me yesterday)
spontaneous comments with descriptors (Blue sucker!)

I love to pick him up at school...he comes running to me with the most amazing look of joy and admiration on his face...sometimes I don't feel worthy of such a gift, this child.

Liam has further developed his use of duplicity...

From: Brad

Liam is now using the art of deception to get what he wants. If he sees me on the computer he will, invariably, come in and announce that I'm done with whatever I'm doing by proclaiming that its "my turn!" I usually don't mind and I'll let him have it but there are times I can't do that and I have to send him elsewhere for his jollies. Sometimes he can be very insistent but he'll eventually give up and go play with his toys. A few days ago he tried a new tactic.

He came into the computer room, gently took hold of my hand, and began pulling me while saying "This way. Want to go this way, Papa." This is what he does when he wants something...a sucker, a video, something to drink, etc. I assumed that he just wanted to play with me so I got up and allowed him to lead me into his room. As soon as I was in there and well away from the door he dropped my hand, ran around me, and dashed down the hallway to the computer room, yelling "MY TURN!"

I ran after him and barely beat him to the computer. I told him it was my turn and that he'd have to wait. He came back a minute later and tried the same thing again. He thought he could pull it off this time by attempting to lead me into a different room. But now, of course, I'm wise to his trickery. He hasn't tried that again but I just think he's planning his next deception, plotting his strategy, considering all possible countermeasures, and soon...very soon...he'll strike.

Coming soon...

Liam updates!

Been too busy to blog of late...so stay tuned!!!

Boys versus girls

One of the questions that Liam's new therapist at Cardinal Hill Rehab asked me during his evaluation was, "Does Liam know the difference between boys and girls?" I said no. I mean, at the time he didn't go around saying "boy" or "girl" as a rule. He didn't ever say to me, "Mama, I'm a boy." She told me that this was a big red flag for her in terms of ASD. I blew it off, because I knew that it just wasn't something we had really "worked on" in terms of helping Liam to identify the genders. I'll admit too that at this age it's hard to teach this concept using books or toys without a gender bias. But we've been working on it and I think it's sinking in.

We were at Target over the weekend. A baby with a big pink bow in her hair cruised by. Liam commented, "A baby girl!" She did look pretty girly, like she fell in a vat of Pepto Bismol. ha! I don't have girls but even if I did I can't see myself drowning them in pink. ???

He tends to refer to baby boys as "Baby Beckett."

We made a trip to the store to buy a new keyboard (see previous post!) and we had to make a journey through the DVDs (or dBds as Liam refers to them!). He noticed a Blues Clues video and it was all over after that. Now usually I don't give in to the fits over wanting things--it's pretty infrequent actually. He's content to pick something up, look at it and he listens when I say no. Plus I really don't buy things that often--he's not especially "into" things really and it has always hurt when people have given him things that he has no interest in. Luckily that is changing...so I let him keep the video. He says to me:

Liam: Open, please. (holding video up to me)
Me: No, I can't do that. You can watch when you get home.
Liam: Have to pay for it.
Me: That's right, we have to pay for it.

One of our favorite things to do is play with his dollhouse (the Fisher Price Sweet Sounds home--I never activate the sounds though). He likes to put the people around the table to eat, they use the bathroom, take a bath, sit in front of the computer, etc. One of the things he likes to do is have them come in and out of the front door. So last night we put the little people to bed.

Liam: Shh! Be quiet.
Me: Are they asleep?
Liam: Good night, girls!

And you know, we only had the girls in bed. Good call Liam.

Yours and mine...

coming soon...

our keyboard has no l button--we have to copy and paste l everytime we need to use it!!!

this is annoying & time consuming.

be back to finish after I go to Target to get a new keyboard! Grr...

Okay, now to update this post since I have a keyboard with all 26 working letters of the alphabet! This morning Liam showed us some progress with pronouns. He found two pink bunnies that he had gotten as an Easter gift. He held them both in his hands for awhile (Liam likes to have things in his hands; if they match then all the better). At one point he went to Brad and gave him one of the bunnies.

Liam: This is yours and this is mine. (hands Brad a bunny)

Brad: This is mine, that one is yours.

Liam: This one is mine, that one is yours.

We're still working on the "That's me!" instead of "That's Liam." Sometimes Liam reminds me of that character on Seinfeld who was always referring to himself in the third person. Not identifying "the self" is a characteristic of ASD, so I'm really hoping that he can make some strides with identity sooner than later. It worries me when he looks in the mirror and says, "There's Liam."

So he spent the day at my mom & dad's house, where he went swimming with Drew and got a new haircut. I went to pick him up at McAlister's for dinner. Later on that night he said,
"I got a haircut, Mama!"

I think that's about all. My memory ain't what it used to be for sure. I need to start carrying a notebook around again!

"With it"

I know this is Liam's blog, but I felt guilty that there's no Beckett fluff...so here's a picture for all of his fans. He's crawling, pulling up and doing so much better with eating. Solid food that is. He would still rather nurse than do anything.

Okay, so back to Liam since this is his show. :P

Liam is "with it" lately. Up until recently I would have described Liam as mentally foggy. Like he was never really sure of what was happening, why things were happening, etc. Recently he's been doing the following things:

• wanting to press the button to shut the garage door
• asking Beckett, "Can I have a turn?" when he wants something that Beck has
• refusing to share and showing his temper (his cousin Drew wanted his Spongebob socks, but Liam refused! Angrily!)
• telling Brad "good night" in an effort to get him to leave so he can hang out with me at night
• pointing out the paw print when Steve (or whoever his name is these days!) asks for help finding Blue's Clues
• asking to go to school
• wanting things at the store--there was a time when he never asked for anything. Now I dread the "impulse" aisle and curse those who place those items there for all preschoolers to fret over (and their parents!!!!!!!!!!)
• when you give him a present, he's actually interested and demands that it be opened immediately

I'm sure I'll think of more later...he's turning into such an independent, loving, mischevious little person.

Be quiet!

Okay, this is a funny post.

Liam loves to go to Costco. Yesterday while we were at my mother's he asked me several times, "Go to Costco?" Two of his favorite things in the world can be found there--pizza and blueberries. We HAVE to stop at the food court for pizza, after which a trip to the produce section is in order. We always get a huge, industrial sized (!!) container of blueberries. He eats them through the store and through the checkout line. I always get the strangest looks from people, like they've never seen a kid eating blueberries?

(Note: today he didn't eat too many blueberries since it was sample day at Costco. He had a cream puff, root beer float, hot dog, baked potato, hummus & apple pie. Oh and a push pop and a piece of chicken. So obviously he was stuffed.) :P

Anyhow, we made it to Costco today. We get our pizza and sit down at the table. Next to us is a fellow overwhelmed mom of two small children (it's like a sisterhood, I swear!). One of her kids starts shrieking and throwing a fit...so Liam turns around and shouts, "Be quiet!"

I was so embarrassed.

But then the shrieking kid's mom thought it was funny, so then I did too. And the kids were laughing too. But of course I did have to talk with Liam about rudeness. It's really not appropriate to shout at strangers, even if they are being loud and annoying.

So we're making our way through Costco and Liam was sitting in the open part of the cart while Beckett sat in the baby seat in the front. At Costco they have the two seats in the front for those of us with two little kids. You can still grocery shop without having to pile things around a kid in the open space. But of course Liam still demands to sit there from time to time. Later on he wanted to sit with Beckett, so he says...

"I want to sit next to Beckett."

This morning I was sitting on the bed with Beck. Liam came up to him and started tickling and playing. I used the word "next" repeatedly...so that's where he picked that up! Good memory, Liam.

Last night as we sat in the bathtub he said:

"Wanna sing ABCs mama?"

And we sat in the tub and sang to our little hearts' content.